it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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