P.S. I can't hear my feet
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
