filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this just has baby written all over it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
