someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
