I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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