YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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