Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
