Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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