Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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