There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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