Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we're so committed to being not committed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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