I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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