dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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