Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
