We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
should my penis look like a turkey
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
