So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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