forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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