If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
