Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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