It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
