Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
