I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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