My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
