sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
