Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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