When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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