Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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