I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
