he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
