You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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