walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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