I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
