Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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