he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And then he peed in my hair
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