do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
