The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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