I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
