you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
