Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
