Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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