i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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