apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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