So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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