You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
