I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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