I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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