As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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