; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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