Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
