never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
