Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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