video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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