I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
