I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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