god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
