She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
