If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
