he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
