Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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