Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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