I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
