worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pants are for mortals
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
