I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
