hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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