I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
