I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
