Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
