Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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